How to help someone in the hospital
There are plenty of ways to support a loved one who is sick or having surgery.
I don’t have great demographic data on my readers, but I’d bet money that most of you are in the sandwich generation — young enough to have kids to care for, but old enough to have aging parents who also occasionally need your help. And every once in a while, one or the other is going to end up in the hospital — sometimes for a planned procedure, sometimes for an unexpected emergency. Either way, hospitals can be overwhelming.
Between our kids’ collective asthma, our daughter’s epilepsy and our younger son’s bacterial meningitis — not to mention about a dozen broken bones and garden variety stitches — we’ve spent more days and nights in hospitals than we care to count.
We’ve gotten used to the hospital’s rhythms and routines. We’ve learned how to cope and make it more comfortable. So, this week I’m doing another “how to:” How to help someone who is in the hospital.
Ways to help
There’s one thing you shouldn’t say to a friend who’s in the hospital or caring for someone who is: “Let me know how I can help.” It’s just too vague and it puts too much pressure on them. You don’t want to add to their to-do list. Instead, offer to do something specific. Here are a few ideas:
Walk the dog, clean the litter box, feed the animals and otherwise manage pet care.
Swing by the house to get newspapers, mail and packages off the porch, cut the grass, etc.
Drive kids back and forth to school and/or after-school activities.
Sit with the patient while your friend eats a meal with their family, goes home to shower, leaves the hospital for a walk, or grabs a well-deserved cocktail.
Drop off dinner/pastries and an espresso drink/healthy snacks, etc. to give your friend a break from hospital food.
Go grocery shopping for your friend’s family and stock their fridge.
Serve as your friend’s director of communications. My brother has done this for me a few times. Before a planned hospital stay, I send a group message to family and friends to let them know I won’t be able to respond to their individual messages. Instead, my brother will keep everyone posted. Then about once a day, I send him an update and he shares it with the larger group. This saves so much time and effort.
Do your friend’s laundry — pick up their dirty clothes at the hospital and then return them clean and folded.
Drop off magazines, puzzles, and anything else to keep the patient and their caregiver entertained.
Buy your friend and/or the patient something from the packing list below.
What to pack/buy
There are a few ways to make the caregiver and patient calmer and more comfortable in the hospital. Here’s a list of what’s worked for us. If you’re preparing for a hospital stay, consider purchasing some of these items. If you’re trying to help a friend who landed in the hospital unexpectedly, any of these would make a great gift.
One quick caveat: I once gifted someone the essential oil diffuser and they weren’t allowed to have it in the ICU, but I’ve never had a problem bringing any of them items into a hospital room — even in the PICU.
Essential Oil Diffuser. Like many chronically ill children, my daughter hated the smell of hospitals. A diffuser masks that smell and made her happier. Each day, she chose which essential oil we’d use. Bonus: The nurses, the doctors, and you all benefit.
Slippers. Sure, the hospital provides those non-slip socks, but they often don’t have them in the right size and you’ve got enough to worry about without your kid or older parent shuffling around in dangerously big socks. The Bombas Gripper Slipper is available in toddler, kid and adult sizes. I prefer a moccasin-style slipper from Ugg (there are lots of other choices on their site, too.)
Your own pillow. Hospitals provide pillows, but they’re usually flimsy flat things covered in plastic. Bring one you love from home, but understand that it may get blood or other bodily fluids on it. (Trust me: it’s worth it.)
Button up pajamas. Electrodes, pulse oximeters and other medical equipment make it impossible to wear PJs that pull on over your head. Old-fashioned pajama sets with a button-up top are easier for hospital patients to get into and out of and provide doctors and nurses with quick access to whatever they need to monitor. Target, J. Crew and other retailers offer a variety of options for men, women and children.
A coffee maker. Sure, hospital cafeterias sell coffee, but it can be hard to leave the patient’s bedside every time you crave caffeine. And being able to enjoy your favorite brew after a rough night in the hospital is a game-changer. You all can make fun of me if you want, but when I’m going to be in the hospital for more than a few days, I bring my espresso machine with me. I’m partial to this mini model from Nespresso, but if you’re a Keurig fan, this one’s tiny, too. If that feels like overkill, consider Starbucks’ instant coffees, which are still better than the bitter stuff you’ll find in the family lounge.
A lap desk. Yes, most hospitals have those rolling trays that you can use as a desk, but they’re too complicated for patients with limited mobility or an IV in their arm. A lap desk with a bean bag-style bottom is usually a much better choice. You’ll find lots of options on Amazon, Wayfair, Bed Bath & Beyond and the like.
Neck and Shoulder Wrap Pad. It’s hard to get comfortable in a hospital bed. An aroma-infused neck and shoulder wrap can help. Nurses are happy to pop these in the microwave to warm them up for your patient.
Casper Glow Light. This innovative cordless lamp is a great alternative to overhead lights and worth every penny. You can use it to read without bothering the sleeping patient. Simply twist it to adjust the brightness. And when you wake up in the middle of the night to talk to a nurse or use the bathroom, you give it a little shake to turn it on and carry it with you around the room.
Outlet Splitter. Hospital rooms never have enough outlets, so you’re going to need an outlet splitter. We love this one because it has built-in USB ports and keeps your cords off the floor.
Packing cubes and good hangers. Most hospital rooms don’t have dressers, so you’ll be living out of your suitcase or duffel bag. Packing cubes — like these from Eagle Creek — make this much easier. Pack all of your tops in one cube, your bottoms in another, etc. Packing cubes also make it easier to combine your stuff and the patient’s in one bag. Throw in a couple of hangers, too. A lot of hospital rooms have a small wardrobe for your use, but there are never more than a few bent-wire hangers. Some sturdy hangers from home will come in handy.
Portable DVD player. A portable DVD player and a few movies make a great gift for someone who is older and not very tech savvy or someone who is too young to trust with your corporate laptop. Some hospitals even have movie “libraries” they can borrow from, too.
What should you avoid giving to someone in the hospital? Flowers. There are very few flat surfaces to display them on in patient rooms, and they’re hard to take home once you’re discharged.
Hang in there,
Also on my mind
Speaking of hospitals, I had my annual mammogram this week. Mammograms make me anxious and angry. And, so, for the third year in a row, I ran to my appointment and back — it helps me calm down on the way there and decompress on the way home. If you don’t live close enough to your clinic to run or walk to your appointments, consider arriving early and doing a couple of laps around the campus before you go inside for an anxiety-providing appointment or procedure. It may help.
Two of my kids love thrfting. I do, too. So I’m looking forward to doing more of it with them this summer. If you’re in the same boat, check out this episode of Life Kit, which offers some great tips and tricks.
A dance club in Phoenix caters to aging Millennials by starting events earlier so partygoers can be home in bed by 11:00 pm. I’m Gen X. If anyone hears of a rager that respects my 9:00 pm bedtime, I’d be interested.
Outlook is the worst.
The 2024 presidential election is only 536 days away. That gives you plenty of time to listen to Matter of Opinion, a new podcast that features Michelle Cottle, Ross Douthat, Carlos Lozada and Lydia Polgreen — all writers for The New York Times opinion page.
I regret to inform you that AGolde’s $218 Parker jeans are as good as everyone says they are. If we run into each other IRL, I will be wearing them.
agolde.com If you’re not yet angry about Congress’s inaction re; gun control, read this heart-wrenching Texas Monthly piece about Kimberly Mata-Rubio, the mother of one of the 19 children killed in the Robb Elementary School massacre a year ago.
What does summer taste like? These Citrus Pop-ups from Whole Foods come pretty close.
Profoundly helpful!!