Harness some of this back-to-school energy for yourself
The start of a new school year is a great time for everyone to reset
As the default parent, there’s so much to hate about the back-to-school season. There’s an oddly specific shopping list that no one’s excited about: colored index cards — but unruled. Tennis balls to be used as chair sliders. And, oooh, a TI-84 Plus scientific calculator?! Plus there’s the emotional overwhelm of the paperwork. Oh. My. God. The paperwork. If you’re lucky, some of it is digital, but it still takes hours. Class calendars (one for each kid), the concussion acknowledgment and baseline test (welcome to high school sports), the responsible use of technology agreement (thank you, internet), SignUpGenius for classroom parties (thank you, Pinterest).
Of course, there’s also lots to love about the back-to-school season — especially for the primary parent. We’re the ones who’ve been scrambling to find childcare in the midst of a childcare shortage, the ones who lost sleep over providing the perfect balance of downtime and adventure from June to August, the one who turned off our cameras during Zoom meetings to go into the basement and remind a kid that their video game time is up (oh, and by the way, how’s that summer reading coming?). This is why that back-to-school commercial from Staples never gets old. Parents welcome the routine and predictability that the return to school brings just as wholeheartedly as we longed for the looser schedule and longer days of summer back in May when things were downright manic.
But that’s not why I love fall and the back-to-school season. Or at least not the only reason. For me, much of the appeal lies in the fresh start a new school year offers — even if you’re no longer a student. It’s been nearly three decades since I finished college, but I still love this reset at the end of summer. It’s a collective fresh start that the new calendar year simply doesn’t offer. When January first rolls around, the only thing that’s really new is the date you write on your checks (yes, I still write checks). But when September hits, everyone returns to their desks — at school and the office — with a renewed sense of earnestness.
My friend Stevie and I discussed all of this on a pre-dawn walk earlier this week. Stevie owns Flourish, an interior design firm, and is a strong believer in the idea that your external space impacts your interior space (read: your mind). For her, this explains why back-to-school rituals are so important. “Sometimes the best way to activate an internal change is by changing your environment,” she explained when I asked her follow-up questions via text after we clocked a few thousand steps. “It’s the idea that the freshly sharpened pencils with their virgin erasers, the right Trapper Keeper or the perfect lunch box — to say nothing of the back-to-school wardrobe — will somehow help us be that version of ourselves we want to be in the coming year. There is something somewhat sacramental about it — using outward gestures and symbols to reflect our inward beliefs and desires.”
And, of course, she’s right. When you get over the sheer enormity of your child’s school supply list and the ensuing sticker shock, you can begin to appreciate the possibility the overflowing shopping cart represents. The transition to a new classroom, a new teacher, and a new group of peers can be a lifeline for kids. When they’re longing for a little more freedom and responsibility, they get to “move up” to middle school. When they outgrow all that eight grade offers, they head to high school, where there are new athletic opportunities, more clubs, and a bigger pool of kids to choose friends from. And when they finally have a better sense of who they are and, more importantly, who they want to be, they get to reinvent themselves in college or the workforce.
“We all have a narrative identity about who we are, our place in the world and our relationship to others,” Stevie explains. “And when your story changes, you have to figure that all out.” The new school year gives our kids a chance to tell a different story about themselves. But as adults, we don’t automatically get this annual reset. Instead, the eternity of adulthood stretches out before us, like a long and winding road devoid of landmarks and exit ramps.
So we create our own transition points. We manufacture detours and scenery to make the journey more interesting — or even just bearable. We move to a new house or switch careers. We marry — and divorce. But change doesn’t have to be monumental to be meaningful. Just ask anyone who has created a capsule wardrobe or invested in a new desktop organizer. We can all take advantage of fall, treating the back-to-school season as our own square one, a contrived clean slate.
Of course, there are potholes along the way. You have to remember that the new you (or your new kid) begins exactly where the old one ends. And that can be both reassuring and disappointing.
“We all have a narrative identity about who we are, our place in the world and our relationship to others. And when your story changes, you have to figure that all out.” —Stevie McFadden
I remember one of my kids having a lot of anxiety about starting third grade because he knew third graders did multiplication. “I don’t know how to do that kind of math,” he said, thinking he’d be expected to recite the times tables when he crossed the threshold of his new classroom. I finally got him to understand that he would be fine. “You didn’t miss anything,” I explained. “Third grade starts where second grade ends.”
The slow pace of transformation is comforting, unless it isn’t. Metamorphosis takes time, which is easy to forget when you’re desperate for change. I remember (with appropriate embarrassment) that one of the reasons I was most excited about college was because the guys there would be college guys. I expected mature men on move-in day and was only a few hours into new student orientation when I realized my mistake. “Holy shit,” I realized, “these college guys were high school guys three months ago.”
So if you’re expecting to be a brand new person on the kids’ first day back in class (which — have you heard? — has a late start and an early pickup), you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t capitalize on all this back-to-school energy by creating some sort of fresh start for yourself.
There are lots of different ways to do that. At Cognoscenti, we’re taking a publishing hiatus next week. That’ll give us five days to build a bank of story ideas, recruit some new writers, define and document team norms, and make headway on some longer-term projects. It’s the kind of stuff can’t get to when we’re publishing five to seven stories a week.
At home, before I add the school calendar to the family calendar, I’m switching to a different calendar app. I’m joining a new gym to get out of an exercise rut and I’m designing a block schedule that gives me more time to write and promote this newsletter. I’m also thinking about taking some kind of personal retreat — disappearing for a few days to do some thinking and planning for myself. I’m not going to buy any back-to-school clothes, but I do hope to purge my closet.
My college kid left home a few days ago. And my high school junior starts school on Monday. The house is cleaner with one less person and quieter as my son tries to cram all of his summer work into one week. I’m ready for a new routine and more predictability, but more than anything I’m excited about the possibilities — for all of us.
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